Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
