So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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