The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
