The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
