yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
