dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
