U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
