Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
