I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How's work?
Spinning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
