you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have tasted many bathrooms
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
