he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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