i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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