This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
