Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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