When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
