arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
