I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
