oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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