You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
is it fun? or sober?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
