Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
