Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I could fuck to npr.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
