My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Girls should come with a carfax report
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
