Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
