Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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