Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
