somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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