Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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