Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
