toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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