Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
