she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
