hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
