i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
