Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
