I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
