All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
