the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
