Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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