I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
