wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
