i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
