I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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