forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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