I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves