I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You made out with two different species that night
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.