tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.