My pussy is not your playground.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We are two peas in an std pod
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?