How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Found the puke drawer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.