i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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