Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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