Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
