i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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