whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
