Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
