I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
