If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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