There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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