I'm eating all of the evidence.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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