I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
