The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
