20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
