i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
