He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
