I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
